How to make spaghetti carbonara taste better:

Food evolutionary genetics have not yet developed to the point of being able to successfully grow a tongue on a portion of spaghetti carbonara. However, the Gordon Ramsay-Bolton at the Food Research Institute in Bologna has made some key breakthroughs in surgically attaching mature pig tongues onto the carbonara using surgical-graded pasta-based thread and using a butter salve rubbed directly onto the tongue which has resulted in better tasting carbonara. Based on initial trials on 1455 individual portions, results have shown that the tongue was rejected in 40% of cases, which can result in a bad-tasting spaghetti carbonara.

How to change a lightbulb:

You cannot change a lightbulb without first identifying its political and social beliefs. Try having a conversation with it first to gauge what they think on a number of important subjects - do spanners have eyes, what colour is thought, when is the best time of day to think about popcorn, etc. Then try and challenge their beliefs with logical counterpoints, ask them how they formulated this belief. If this doesn’t work, try offering them money - £20 is usually enough, or as much as you can afford. It is best to check on the lightbulb every few weeks to make sure they haven’t changed back.

Some societies believe that it is wrong to change a lightbulb, and you should let them live life uninhibited. To find out more information, you can pour battery acid into a bowl of flour and encourage friends to juggle.

The thing is, bluetooth is not a perfect solution. It drains battery, is patchy and has variable audio quality, creates yet another thing to remember to charge (children are rubbish at remembering so just end up blaring awful videos on long journeys for everyone to hear), you can have issues with connecting devices that are literally inches away, and crucially - they are not mutually exclusive. I currently have a Samsung A52S which has a 3.5mm jack as well as Bluetooth technology. Even phones 10 years ago offered both. They are just removing an option many people still opt to use - especially those who can’t afford good quality expensive wireless headphones.

It is a cheap, universal option. Bluetooth technology is expensive and have diminishing battery performance. I’ve accidentally put £5 wired headphones through the wash before and still work perfectly. They last an entire plane trip UK to Australia without running out. If I am doing a task that requires my hands and don’t want to snag, I have wireless ones I can use.

It’s not something that needs replacing. I don’t need my phone to be thinner than 3.5mm, I m going to put a chunky protective case on it regardless.

It’s like getting rid of public transport because most people drive.