Do I have to hold my pee while I’m pooping until I can get to the other bathroom?

Thank you for your snackrifice.

The first hit is great.

The third or fourth will get you.

And by Trump, too. He’d definitely try and cash in if it were possible.

“You know what’d really help our finances? Being sucked into a DoTerra pyramid scheme.”

Bonus points for working in the phrase “Jedi’s cum.”

Had an old colleague who kept abbreviating ‘follow up’ as ‘f/up.’

“Yeah we should be okay, I’ll f/up on that later today.”

“Hey are you able to f/up on this?”

“Hey, I f/uped with our boss today on our issue.”

Earl Gray.

Charred.

deleted by creator

“To whoever finds this, please carry out my last wishes-”

Crunch

You received two crafting components.

Getting over COVID (negative test but need a second one to be fully cleared) and the CDC says I can go out to the grocery store and all that but I need to wear a mask.

Nobody cares.

Also it’s winter. Last year when I would get random colds or coughs I’d throw one on and still nobody cares.

The trick is to bring in whatever busted piece you have and find the exact match. Nobody’s gonna think you’re shoplifting rusted garbage and usually you can knock out your purchase in just one trip.

If your project/fix is too complicated to bring in the busted piece, may God have mercy on your soul.

The greatest crimes are caused by excess and not by necessity.

What doing, Judy Hopps?

“If two men or two women can form a household based on an equal separation of responsibilities and reliance on one another, how am I gonna convince my wife God wants her to do the dishes while I drink beer and yell?”

Some have sensors that will really help heat food evenly and will adjust times and power levels depending on what you’re doing. Most are just default cook times, but if you haven’t tried it out, it’s worth it.

It’s not even one brain, it’s two chunks that function as one whole. Patients who have had a corpus callostomy (splitting the membrane connecting the hemispheres) can find one of their limbs going against what you’re trying to do.

If you’re getting dressed, for example, your left side may refuse if it doesn’t like what you’re wearing. It can do totally random things and sometimes people have to use their controlled hand to physically restrain the other.

They think the left half of the brain is responsible for speech and communication, so the right remains this silent observer under the thumb of the left when the connection is intact.

But it has its own will, even if you don’t know it.

They’re usually underpaid, understaffed, and overworked. Little training for a job that’s literally life and death.

Plus most dispatchers help with more than just police calls, they help deliver babies or deal with medical emergencies before EMS can get there

Double tap couldn’t hurt

Again?