I feel you.
On your 3rd paragraph, I also have no idea why this happens, but we are not the only ones. Maybe people get the idea we became too self-centered?
I cannot comment on you because I don’t know you, but in my case, if I were to be self-critic, I always focus too much on my career, wife, hobbies, household chores, family… friends were always the last priority on my schedule. People pick up on that quickly, idk.
I do have some friends though who are low maintenance and with these I find its much easier to keep friends with. We can go 6 months without seeing each other and its still fun to get together.
I try to remind myself that, in the great scheme of things (i.e, evolution) a “step forward, two steps back” is a common thing in this chaotic universe of ours.
Meteors, dinosaurs, civil wars, capitalism issues, pandemics, murder, genocide, climatic changes… it’s all accounted for.
Of course, the answer is different if you are suffering directly from these things (apart from the meteors and dinosaurs) I mentioned above, then things suddenly get VERY personal and provoke impulsive reactions from our end.