Don’t forget the rectum bleacher! You’ve gotta whiten up all your pearly bits when grooming personally with these here personal grooming products! From teeth whiteners to skin toners, nipple brighteners and our ever-popular melanin relaxers, they’re all conveniently listed in this one incredibly inconvenient list! No matter which parts of your body, which orifices, which end of your digestive tract you reeeally want to whiten up: Lighten Up, We’ve Got You (Un)Covered!®
Alternative Protein … because sourcing your nutrients somewhat humanely from a farmed food animal is WOKE PROPAGANDA
She looks like she subsists on a diet made purely of literal crickets and collagen injections anyway. Gives her that hollow, sinewy vibe she likes so much. And with all that lean protein just sitting there, why would she not give the freshly slaughtered Cricket a little nibble? Waste not, want not after all. Now that is the conservative way, Kristi!
[I hate that I wrote this out and that I’m supposedly her constituent.]