Maybe you should quit lemmy? It just sounds like you’re tired of it. It’s cool, not everyone likes lemmy. Take a break. Go check out some other sites. Come back later after lemmy and the apps develop more and try again. No need for dramatic posts. No one’s gonna mind.
It’s probably because the two instances you named have admins who actively try to moderate problems as opposed to joining in as with lemmygrad. But that’s just my take from it all.